Looking Beyond

I find myself looking more, and more at objects of beauty. I used to take some things for granted. An autumn leaf; a rusting bridge over a burbling creek; stars in the country sky.

Next time you see what you consider nature, forget what you are told about what beauty is. Forget what you even think is beauty. Abstract yourself. Then, imagine what it would be like if you never saw that object of nature; how your life would be.


Would you miss it?


To be a child again...to see the world all over again with just curiosity, not knowledge. What have we been missing all this time?

Yep

Well I am home today because I am not feeling too hot. I have been really tired lately and I have been sleeping a ton with no success. So it seems I keep making the same mistakes in life that I always have been making. I worry about miniscule things and I seem to harm my relationships [in my mind] with these things I worry about. Sometimes I just don't understand myself. 3 weeks ago it was an axiety attack over something I knew was ok. Last week I was just selfish for certain reasons, in which I could not control and most recently, I got jealous because of something I knew would never happen. I have also been a hypocrite, showing the same emotions that I worry about in others. Now, I am just ashamed of my anxiety problems and even though friends are telling me everything is alright, it does not help my feeling for myself. I don't have low self-esteem by anymeans, I just don't understand this disorder. I need someone to talk to because I am tired of hiding behind the masquarade that everything is alright, because it isn't. This is my most personal blog post so far and I am sure that it will worry some people and my intentions are not to get attention, but to let it all out. I have two blogs and this is a copy/paste entry from my other one. The one noone will ever see.


-Sarah, You are so dear to me. I care about you more than any other person. Sometimes even more than myself. You are a point of light to me. I have learned so much about myself through you and looking back, you are really the first person I have ever loved so dearly. If you ever think I am dog-guarding you, please know that I can't help it. Sometimes I feel that the only thing I can do is protect you. Last night was just a reality check for me. I got sick over it...I never get sick. You know this. I hate Ten O'clock. I had so much more to tell you and it just came out wrong during those texts messages. You have saved me emotionally and inspired me in so many ways. You are a strong person and seeing you hurt always kills me inside. We all get hurt sometimes, but when you get hurt...it hurts me twice as much and you are a lot stronger than I am as a person. Those pauses in our phone calls kill me. It's as if you both know what each other is thinking, we are just too afraid to say it.

It has almost been four-months and we have been through a lot together...family, time apart, and even mono. I want you to know that I would never hurt you in anyway. My heart has been broken too and I know how it feels and how difficult it is to recover from. I know we both have had mediocre pasts, but lets look towards the future. Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end. But Sarah, we are not far from done building.


~Loving you always