Breaking up with a friend?

Now I know that every sitcom imaginable has covered this, but how is it really done? How does a person split away from a person they have known for years? Everyone "breaks up" with acquaintances. Acquaintances aren't friends. Friends you would die for. Acquaintances you may not even give a second thought about. Here are some stories of mine that show ways to break up with a friend.

Form # 1

Lets call this old friend of mine "Segan". Now, Segan and I used to be great friends. We played video games, I taught him how to use computers, and before driving was a possibility, we walked long distances to movie theaters and malls, often talking about girls we liked along the way. Now, as high school went on, we started distancing ourselves. He got into preppy clothes, wrestling, and pot and I got into football, excercise, and socially acceptable activities [ No, really]. Now, Segan made his own friends that were of his new nature and to defend his status in his new found group, he would spend weeks without talking to me. At this point, we were hardly friends. The kicker came when he picked fights with my friends. He never was so angry before. He just snapped and punched one of my best friends for opening a shaken up fanta on his prep shirt [Segan shook it up in the first place, the dolt] and he punched my friend in the face and walked away. At that point I lost all respect for him.

This is NOT a way to break up with a friend. I hope Segan figures this out.

Form # 2

I believe we should be gentlemen about it. This doesn't always work. High school is a strange place and people are always on edge about certain subjects, such as bringing a 9mm to school and murdering 5 students. Well, lets just say another friend of mine, who we will call "Steve" tried to get away from an overbearing "friends" named Sean. Now, Sean was the kind of guy who didn't belong anywhere, but being an Irish black jew will probably do that to you. When Steve told Sean he was being overbearing, he threatened him. Threating a person to be your friend is not a way to keep a friend, either. Take note. Eventually, Steve decided it was time to go to Form # 1 and be a total ass to Sean. It worked [of course it works, but it is an assholish thing to do.] and Sean eventually stopped his 11:00 PM calls and constant visiting [thats right folks, he came to Steve's house uninvited almost daily]. A month after they stopped talking, Steve got a rather steamy letter in his mail. It had no stamp, so it must have been hand delivered. Instantly, he knew it was Sean. The letter was a threat. In it, it said the following and I am not making this up:

Dear Sir,
I would like you to know that I am going to school tomorrow
with my Christmas list and you are at the top.
Unfortunately, my presents aren't wrapped in
paper, but metal jackets.

Steve called the police and the district administrator and Sean was arrested. He had no firearms, but he had a collection of knives, and his paper threats were enough to get him expelled. We don't know where he is right now.

Well, what I think you should do to break up with a friend is simple. Tell them that you have your differences and you think you should move on. Then, shake hands, tell he/she to keep in touch, and walk away. Its that simple, but so many people don't know how to do it! Professionalism is lacking in this world and people often make big deals out of small things. Deciding to end relations with someone should be mutual, but often isn't. Luckily, [given the person is sane and he/she's emotions are intact] time heals all wounds. Better to burn out a relationship quickly than to have it fade away.